Fighting Stage 4

We made it! Now what…?

It’s taken me a while to gather my thoughts on this.

First, we made it! 56 miles of cycling (plus a little to/from the event). Through varied Scottish weather, some stunning scenery, one heck of a hill … and a few traffic lights. Surrounded by amazing people. The support was so brilliant (the Glaswegians deserve a better rep!), the event inspirational. Getting people out exercising will have a major effect on so much treatment.

Amazingly the Tour de 4 hit £2m (twice Sir Chris Hoy’s goal). I have been personally been sponsored over £40k for Prostate Cancer UK. I know that goes deeper than a bike ride and I am so grateful for the support you have all given. It should help fund life changing research.

The Tour de 4 gave me a goal and purpose for the year, something that felt within my control.

But what now?

Doing a 56 mile bike ride, and training, makes me feel guilty. Why am I not working? I get the worst Sunday night blues of my career at the moment. Why can I not work?

I am incredibly grateful that my firm, my clients and my colleagues have allowed me this time to focus on my health. I believe it has made a difference on so many levels.

But it’s also sensible. I’ve confused appointments, had weeks where I couldn’t fit everything necessary in and several trips to A&E including 3 days in hospital a couple of weeks ago for pneumonia. I would have been letting people down.

The mind is willing, the body is not quite there. But we’re getting closer. Soon come.

I’m now preparing for four weeks of daily radiotherapy to hit the remaining disease in my prostate and seminal vesicles. It’s going to be intense, but for the first time my oncologist has used the word CURATIVE. That’s huge. It’s tempered with warnings of risk. But that word is a lifetime away from the language in January.

Being honest, completing the Tour de 4 left me feeling a bit flat. That may sound weird but I sort of feared that would be the case. I’ve spent my life assuming I will achieve my goals so every step of the way leads to “what now?”

Cure cancer is the goal. But that’s out of my hands.

What IS in my hands?

I have a place for the London Marathon with Prostate Cancer Uk, that is a lifelong goal, and I need to switch focus to that.

But more immediately? I’m jumping in the swimming pool tomorrow. I signed up for a season end triathlon on 21 September. If I’m allowed to swim during radiotherapy I’ll be jumping back into Dorney Lake and starting my first triathlon in three years.

I intend to finish it.